Travel to the far east – Discovering the Coffee Monkey
Journal of Marco Taco – Voyage to the Far East
On February the 1st, 1604 – Day 1
We have arrived in a strange land of Shanghai… I have discovered a mysterious
creature that I have named "coffee monkey"…
I expect tomorrow I will proceed through the village with my guide GoodmanSan
to obtain some necessary tools by bartering to carry out my ultimate plan. The
following day I expect to be able to capture one of these mysterious coffee
monkeys through ancient utilitarian tactics learnt from GoodmanSan on our long
…they will make a fine and amusing pet…
On February the 10th, 1604 – Day 10
I have been observing the coffee monkeys for some time now, and they seem to
worship a monkey king, who sits high atop the montdemand mountain slope. Looking
piously upon his subordinates who seem to be madly dashing as he commands them..
It is very interesting how they fail to use their own vision and repeatedly
seem to collide when they are running and bowing down. Again.. I am amused…
The coffee monkeys tend to swarm near the coffee monkey king and chant curious
sounds that have the liking to a sound of "jack, jack, jack" .. I
find this very interesting and am amused.
I will return tomorrow and build a device with the leadership of GoodmanSan
that we will call the Unexitable Monkey Ingressor (UMI) that will capture the
monkeys… They are very ingenious, and I believe my trap will require some
innovative thinking; as they are not as dumb as they look and act with each
other as a group…
On February the 12th, 1604 – Day 12
GoodmanSan and I have spend many days trying to build a proper UMI device and
the time has grown weary on our bones. I have located the cave of the coffee
monkeys and will attempt to catch these mysterious and formidable creatures.
The coffee monkey king continues to task me and despite GoodmanSan’s advice,
I will conquer this mysterious and irrationally exuberant antagonist…
On February the 13th, 1604 – Day 13
Upon provisioning a trap using my UMI device.. I quickly realized that these
coffee monkeys would be a much more formidable foe than originally anticipated..
as they tend to dynamically adapt and become very territorial by jumping on
my back when I get too close. However after patience and persistence I have
caged two monkeys that I will bring home with me to present to the Queen and
for my ongoing amusement…
My arch antagonist.. the monkey king was in my grasps when the clever devil
astonished me with his magical disappearing abilities. As I wrestled him to
the ground.. he shouted in a curious language something phonetically similar
to "these charts are sheet!" and he instantly disappeared, and the
coffee monkey community began to become very violent throwing stones at me.
I nearly escaped with my life, but I managed to keep my prize as I left.
On February the 14th, 1604 – Day 14
As I set my sails to return to the motherland, I know what I have accomplished
and am pleased. I will bring my coffee monkeys home with me for my continued
amusement.. and I have named them Nicholas and Robert.
I look upon my experience in awe and look forward to returning someday to overcome
my nemesis, the coffee monkey king, whom I have named "Magic Jack".
– - Marco "Johnny Polo" Taco